I could while away the hours, with neither bath nor shower,
‘til folks think I’m insane.
But I’d just be drummin’
and the music would be commin’
If I only had a brain.

I would trigger until dinner, cuz my drum brain’s a winner,
It’s sounds are never plain.
With the things I’d be playin’
Any wise man would be sayin’
"If I only had a brain."

Oh I could tell you why drummers’ wrists get sore.
I would drum up things I’ve never drummed before.
And then I’d sit, and drum some more.

I’d be playing more percussion cuz neighbors won’t be hushin’
My chops right down the drain.
With drums that sound so pretty,
I could play like old Steve Smitty
If I only had a brain.